When Parents Disagree About Schools (and How Impasses are Resolved)

Deciding where the children will attend school can be a daunting process, even for intact families.

This is particularly true in the greater Washington, D.C. metro area, where there are so many choices, from public school to private school to magnet programs and charters.

However, for children who split their time between two households, school choice is often one of the most significant areas of conflict between the parents. What methods can be utilized to work through these disputes?

Litigation

Litigation is often the fallback for parents who disagree about where to send their children to school.

Entrenched in their respective positions, they threaten to “let the judge decide.” But what many parents do not realize is that the judge is not likely to decide where a child will go to school.

Judges recognize decision-making should be left to the parents whenever possible. So when the parents disagree, the most likely outcome after a trial is for the Judge to decide which parent will make the decision rather than for the Judge to make the decision herself/himself. This could be by awarding one parent sole legal custody (decision-making authority). Or, this could be by parsing out the education issue, e.g., the Judge could leave joint legal custody in place, but carve out an exception for education-related decisions only.

The benefit of a litigated outcome is that a decision will ultimately be made and the immediate conflict resolved.

The downsides, however, abound.

First and foremost, a litigated outcome could take a year or longer, leaving the child(ren) in limbo, not knowing where they will attend school, possibly even interfering with their ability to attend school in extreme cases.

Additionally, giving one parent sole decision-making authority on this issue leads to an immediate imbalance. The parent with decision-making authority may be motivated to make choices out of convenience for him/herself, and the other parent can be cut out of the discussion, even when he/she might have valuable input. This breeds resentment and may ultimately harm the co-parenting relationship.

Mediation

Mediation is another option for parents who disagree about school choice.

In mediation, parents can share their likes/dislikes confidentially, and have the freedom to be more creative in the resolution of their dispute.

For example, in mediation, parents can:

• Reach temporary agreements, agreeing where the child will attend school for one year only, while buying time to negotiate future school choices.
• Set deadlines by which they agree to revisit the discussion.
• Identify agreed-upon criteria that they both value in the decision-making process, such as teacher retention rates, specialized academic programs, available accommodations, the child’s social/emotional happiness, proximity to both parents’ homes, etc.
• Agree upon experts to retain to assist them (jointly) in reaching a decision.

When successful, a mediated agreement on school choice, or, at a minimum, a mediated agreement to a process for school choice, stands a chance of permitting parents to retain joint legal custody, and balance in decision-making, which may improve the co-parenting relationship.

Decisions over a child’s education can be one of the most hot-button issues in a divorce and beyond. Even parents who have already litigated and resolved the divorce will face the ongoing need to make and collaborate on decisions about a child’s schooling.

Bulman Dunie partner Meg Rosan is a highly skilled and sought-after family law attorney and mediator who helps clients in Maryland and the District of Columbia. Feel free to reach out to Meg at (301) 656-1177 or mrosan@bulmandunie.com if you would like to talk to a family law attorney about resolving an impasse involving your child.